Books of 2007

1. The Rum Diary by Hunter S. Thompson
2. Fear and Loathing in America: The Brutal Odyssey of an Outlaw Journalist by Hunter S. Thompson
3. Ironweed by William Kennedy
4. Story of the Eye by George Bataille
5. Fight Club by Chuck Palahniuk
6. The Ninth Life of Louis Drax by Liz Jensen

7. The Scarlet Letter by Nathaniel Hawthorne (yea this wasn't forced)

8. Siddhartha by Herman Hesse
9. Parched by Heather King
10. The Painted Bird by Jerzy Kosinski ♥
11. Kitchen Confidential:Adventures in the Culinary Underbelly by Anthony Bourdain
12. The Westing Game by Ellen Raskin
13. White Oleander by Janet Fitch


14. The Dhammapada

15. Fear of Flying by Erica Jong ♥
16. Enduring Love by Ian Mcewan
17. The Unbearable Lightness of Being By Milan Kundera ♥
18. Mating by Norman Rush
19. The Book of Laughter and Forgetting by Milan Kundera
20. Like Being Killed by Ellen Miller ♥
21. Dharma Bums by Jack Kerouac
  • Current Mood
    hot tara

I've been here far too long.

Oh and it hurts my soul
'Cause I can't let go
All these walls are caving in
I can't stop my suffering
I hate to show that I've
Lost control 'cause I
I keep going right back
To the one thing that I need
To walk away from

Im leaving.

suck it.
  • Current Music
    Christina Aguilera - Walk Away
stupid whore

theres pieces of me, youve never seen...

I'm a little pissed off.
And I feel the need to get my feelings down, before I lay in bed all night depressed over them.

I am not a slut.
And you know what? Im really fucking tired of being called one.

I'm 20 yrs old. Ive had full blown sexual relationships with two people. Im talking like an active sex life.
And actually only one of them was truely based on sex.
I didnt lose my virginity or even kiss a boy until I was almost 17. And I know people whove done FAR more than that by time they were that age.
Now the sex relationship, I spent 7mos with this boy. He toyed with my emotions and my mind. alot. Most of you know who im talking about. I was so fucked up by time that relationship ended, abruptly at that.
I became extremely depressed. I felt disgusting and ugly and I would never find someone as gorgeous as him again, never mind the fact he was the ugliest meanest man ever.
I wanted to sleep forever, I didnt wanna be looked at or touched.
I didnt wanna be myself anymore.
I eventually resorted to cutting off over a foot of my hair, getting piercings, trying to change the way I dressed, listening to different music. I seriously hated who I was and I figured this was the only way to fix things.
I figured...any kind of attention from a guy was all I needed.
I still hated men, I didnt trust them and knew they were using me for sex and nothing else.
I met some kid, fucked him and left him. felt so good. so good to hurt someone like I was hurt, call him names, make him feel small and insignificant. I had some control and power over someone. something I hadnt had in months and months.
I messed around with a few other guys. no one really knows them, I hardly remember them. kissing and touching really is nothing.
I have on party at my house. I figured Im going to get drunk
I am a very sexual girl. society cant handle that, now if I was a boy it would be different, Id be a player, and Id be awesome. just fuck dem ho's right. who cares Im a guy.
Now cause im a chick, im disgusting.
I make out with some guy. NO BIG DEAL. gossip gossip, now Im a slut. new nickname for tara.
goto another party, and sleep with some guy. oh we know how that went. again im a horrible mean disgusting person.
whats that two guys....in 6 mos. nothing nothing at all.
some chicks fuck that many guys in one night. or in a week.

It feels good when a guy wants you, even if it is for the wrong reasons. It makes you feel pretty, knowing that you can make them physically feel good. I cant explain it. and i know every girl knows what im talking about. or at least most of them. and if not....good for you. Im happy youve never been crushed or feel so ugly.
I pretend like I love myself so much, and Im learning to, its just not so easy.
Its taken me almost a year to get to where I am.
I know Im a pretty girl, I know I have a beautiful relationship and I can and will make someone happy. its just a matter of finding them.
And I laugh when my friends call me a slut, or make stupid sexual jokes about me. but its getting annoying.

I find some conversation on my computer with my sister saying im a slut, I really am. here let me show you.
RunUpInMe0 (7:17:54 PM): she is a slut
RunUpInMe0 (7:17:57 PM): shre really is
kangolct (7:18:11 PM): im not lettin gary talk to her no more then
kangolct (7:18:21 PM): she bangs other dudes right now ?

I'm not a slut :(
at all.

I have no one. I go out, and I chill with girls.
I dont goto clubs, I dont get drunk or stoned every weekend.
she doesnt even know what I do.
I have an odd sense of humor, people cant tell when im kidding. esp her. she doesnt even talk to me on here, ever.
or in person.

you dont know me.
not that many people do.
no one really knows whats going on in my head. except amber.
seriously. I can tell her anything

dont judge someone by a few things that they have done in their lives.
Im a beautiful, loving, amazing girl.
I just havent found anyone to apperciate me like that.
I dont even know if I really appreciate myself.

maybe its time to wave goodbye.........now.
  • Current Music
    Tori Amos - Tear In Your Hand

let me take you on a ride!

ok you better fucking look at these, cause if only knew how i froooooooze my ass off to take these....(seriously my ass was numb after a while, and forget my ears, huge chunks of metal in them doesnt help.)
Also I mainly took these for _sheila cause shes didnt know I went to a fabulous university, and I wanted her to see it.
Oh yea and Amber I was gonna tag the bathroom and take a picture of it. I was sitting there peeing, going through my purse, camera ready, but I couldnt find my marker. hahaha. <3

Pictures of my school.Collapse )
  • Current Music
    gypsy eating.

(no subject)

Idea stolen from lookingin one of the brightest sweetest girls on here <333

101 Things About Tara:

1. I havent eaten a hamburger since I was 12 yrs old.
2. My feet have shrunk from a size 71/2 to a 7
3. I hate when books arent stacked in order by height.
4. My car smells like clean cotton.
5. Im so jealous of my sister sometimes, that now I hate her.
6. I always have my toes painted.
7. I cant pee in public bathrooms when one other person is in there with me! no matter how bad I have to go.
8. Nothing is sexier than guys hands.
9. I criticize everything and anyone. But nothing more than myself.
10 .Bad spelling is a pet peeve, even though I'm not so good at it.
11. Shopping is my drug...Im not even kidding.
12. I usually shop when Im angry or depressed, makes me feel less guilty.
13. I shave only when necessary.
14. I started biting my nails when I watched a cartoon of Popeye and Olive Oil did it. I thought it looked cool, I started and never looked back.
15. I got braces when I was 10, no one else had them in my class, I thought I was so cool.
16. I used to be addicted to chapstick.
17. I hate my complexion almost as much as my sister.
18. I think I sound like Fiona Apple when I sing in my car.
19. Im concieted, yet still self concious.
20. stubborn as allllll hell.
21. 11 more months, to the day...and I'll be 21
22. Tired of being the "good one"
23. I masturbate more that most guys.
24. My cats=my babies
25. Stupidity/ignorance grrrrr piss me off more than anything in the entire world.
26. Tori Amos and Fiona Apple are my idols.
27. I used to want to be a dentist, teacher, pediatrician, vet.
28. I am a morning person.
29. I had a pen pal from when I was 12 til I was 17.
30. I'm still dreaming I will find the one.
31. I secretly like Eminem
32. My boobs are two different sizes, guys always go for the bigger one, but they insist they dont notice.
33. I've been the same height since I was 11.
34. I want to change, but I cant.
35. I havent eaten any fast food for about 3 years.
36. I save everything, I have papers from when I was in preschool.
37. I adore my brothers more than anyone in my entire family.
38. I can put my big toe in my mouth.
39. I took ballet and tap classes for three years. I used to hide when it was time for class.
40. I only took dance because Nina did.
41. I blush easily.
42. Im extremely blunt and open.
43. I'm not the same person I was in high school.
44. People today generally disgust me.
45. Internet-dependent
46. Eggsalad is one of my favorite foods.
47. I cant play any video games to save my life, except Kirbys Dreamland for Gamboy.
48. I believe in destiny and tarot cards.
49. When I was 9 I used to give the peace sign in almost every picture taken of me.
50. My middle name and conformation name are the same. Elizabeth. I refer to it as Elizabeth squared.
51. The colors orange and blue bother me when they are together.
52. Walgreens is my favorite store.
53. I love all my lj girlies more than they know.
54. I can relate almost any song to my life.
55. I always brush my hair in the shower.
56. The cigarette smoke makes me hungry.
57. Planes scare me, esp since I saw Final Destination.
58. I cant paralell park.
59. I always thought all parents had water beds. turns out only mine do.
60. I refuse to drive until I have the peferct song on.
61. I can stick my tongue up my nose.
62. No I dont like the game Monopoly.
63. There is always some kind of plate/cup/silverware in my room or on the floor.
64. I swear way too much.
65. Both cars I learned how to drive in were white.
66. Purina Cat Chow is the only kind of cat food I will buy my cats. I refuse to buy cheaper food.
67. I still have, sleep with and love my blankie. Which is going on about 19 yrs old.
68. Me and my sister were extremely close and I hated my brothers about 4 years ago.
69. I hate doing 69. Concentrating on two very different things is too difficult in me.
70. I really did love Zack Morris, I used to wish every day I would marry him.
71. My rebellion against my parents is starting too late.
72. I'm afraid of being alone forever.
73. I used to think the kid that stalked me was hot.
74. I get jealous easily.
75. Alot of teh time Im dont take other peoples feelings into thought.
76. Hewitt Memorial Hospital is sadly my other home.
77. I get lost when driving very easily, but alwasy find my way home.
78. I didnt get my license til I was almost 19 yrs old.
79. Ive owned three Baby G watches.
80. Religion is not my thing, I actually hate it with a passion.
81. Hypocrites piss me off.
82. My favorite cursive letter is "Z"
83. I am a cock tease.
84. I think Jon Bonjovi's voice is sexxy as all hell.
85. Showers are where I think the best, but then forget to write it all down.
86. I refused to take the bus in high school, so I walked a half mile home everyday for 3 years.
87. Im constantly seeking approval from others.
88. chocolate and peanuts/peanut butter together is like an orgasm.
89. I sleep curled up on my left side.
90. I really believe that animals are much better than people.
91. Pictures really do say a 1000 words, thats why I take so many.
92. I have a scar on the bottom of my foot from when I stepped on my dads keys.
93. Envogue was all i listened to in 6th grade.
94. Whitney Houstons first album "whitney" is the greatest and I dont care if people laugh at me.
95. I at one time had the entire dialouge to both "grease" and "priscilla queen of the desert" memorized to the point where I could look down the entire movie and just watch it from my head.
96. I get all my creativity from my mother.
97. The smell of cat poop and old people poop no longer bothers me. Ive learned how to breathe out of my mouth with out smelling.
98. I sprained my ankle on a trampoline and didnt know til 8 hours later.
99. I want someone to suck on my toes.
100. Ive been seeing a dermatogist since I was 12 yrs old.
101. I function really well on little or no sleep.
Two new outfits the addict bought :/Collapse )
  • Current Music
    my brothers fighting over some stupid skateboarding game

(no subject)

yea so today sucked :(

I overslept, and missed my review organic class. So I went to physics. I was happy, I looked cute, I got those pinstripe pants, I was still high on last night. Lab was awesome, I fucking laughed the entire time. Im friend with Danielle, Jenika and Ryan. Lab was boooooring though, he talked and talked. was all freaking cause i dont come to class so now i have to go all the time. I drove home called Yale boy, told my mom about him. When she proceeded to tell me hes just like Justin, and hes going to break my heart. And oh yea hes a slut too.

Moving on I drive to fucking new haven. Get sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo lost for an hour and a half. I have my period, im tired, I start crying. hes like no help on the phone. Finally I get there, park awfully cause i dont know how to parallel. (i cant spell it either) I was upset cause i was lost. And hes going on about how I dont know what real traffic is, blah blah fucking blah. screw you ok? I just drove to see your stupid ass. We sit down and start to watch the mexican. I know he wants to fuck me. Thank god for my period.

We go in his room and talk, eventually we end up on his bed. I wouldnt even face him he starts kissing my neck, and im freaking out because i think hes gonna lick my earring and i dont want it to get infected. Anyways he starts kissing my lips and i absolutely freeeeeeeak out. You dont even know, flash backs of Justin, god i wanna start crying thinking about it. All I can think is, me getting attached, us fucking, and him leaving me, not caring about how I feel. Then of course I say i cant do this, and start crying. I roll over and start sobbing and hes all not even touching me. just letting me cry. That made me feel real great. Eventually he patted me on the back, i had to ask for a tissue. that really predicts how its gonna be. Anyways i just figured that out now. Then we are laying there all silent listening to dave. And even while we were kissing, I was like 'oh fuck youre going to ruin dave for me' I dont ever think about how good it feels, I just think other stupid shit like that.

Anyways I Figure i should give him another chance and we start talking about blow jobs. shocking i know. and how girls dont know how to give hime blahblahblabhlahb like i believe i word he was saying. So I gave him one, cause im a slut like that. Ok his penis is I dunno not small, its really thick but its fucking curved. hahahahhaha like a banana!!!!! hahahahhaha duude lol. anyways. so its really hard to do stuff cause it doesn't like fit in my mouth right. and I like if you lick it, most of the time, it will pop up into your mouth, so you dont have to touch it, its kinda cool. So i give really fucking good blowjobs. And I started to use my hand, cause im just awesome like that. he hes all Im gonna cum. im gonna cum, no hand. so i had to stop using my hand. dude all fucking cocks smell so funny. And I Got hair in my mouth :( and he says hes gonna cum. So Im like ok and start to stop. and OMG! he starts fucking screaming like a girl. 'faster faster, hand hand, faster' now im absolutely disgusted. cause it was all high pitched. and I put my tongue over the hole so that i can kinda stop the cum from shooting back so far, does anyone else do this stuff. and it comes out my fucking nose!!!! So I gross the fuck out, sit up and spit it all over him. Like totally grossing, out. Taste soooooo bad, Ive never tasted cum that bad. And Im telling him 'omg that was disgusting, you have the worst tasting cum ever' spitting and blowing my nose. God My throat even hurted afterwards.

So I know you all wanted to know that. But i pretty much figured out hes justins clone, and i told him earlier he was just like J, and hes all there arent too many guys like me. But I think iwas hurting his feelings that i said that. Cause i said my nose hurted, and hes like, you want some coke?? omg now im just like your ex.

And then it was time to go. and thank god no cum got on my new pants. then I would have been pissed. I let him clean up by himself. He cant take a bra off either. gay. uhh...So I left. he kissed me on the cheek goodbye, told me not to worry about the crying thing. and I drove away. I found my way home better. But I give up. *sigh*

Then my mom wants to talk to me...blah blah fuclking blah. I start crying cause of money, I owe her a ton. I said i should have worked a double on sunday, keep in mind i worked 12 on fri, 14 on sat and it would have been another 14 and shes like yea you should have. i said I was tired, anyways, and she starts giving me thses snotty all well looks. So i said fuck you, whatever you dont know, whatever and walked away. she tried to come in here telling me obi wanted to come in. But i turned up the music til she went away.

So that was my shitty ass day.
My nose hurts and it tastes like chlorine. :(

good news, andrew broke his collarbone and arm, so hes out of football for the whole season.

moral of the story? fuck 15 yr olds.

  • Current Music
    Climbing Up The Walls- Sarah Slean